McQueen had his Mustang, DeNiro a BMW and Vin Diesel had...well...everything, but imagine it was you, in a pinch, needing to outrun the fuzz. What does a smart dude drive as his getaway vehicle?
Most would choose speed first, which is a perfectly wise assumption. However, when you're up against the Ford Interceptor Utility in the U.S., the Lamborghini Gallardo in Italy and the Bugatti Veyron in Dubai, the feds will catch up with you quicker than you can say "jail time." If you're not going to outrun them, a clever criminal does the right thing: outsmart them. For that, nothing beats a van.
1. Camo
The Toyota Sienna may be a remarkably unremarkable mini van. With a depressing amount of horsepower (296hp), a sad turning radius and infuriating lack of torque, this is probably the last thing you'd bet your freedom on, which is exactly why you should consider it. If you just calmly cruise into the pickup line at a local elementary school, roll down the window and yell, "Emily, we'll be late for ballet practice!" no one will bat an eye. They’ll be busy picking up the newly divorced dad in the red Mustang GT idling nearby. Sorry, Steve—see you on the golf course!
2. Cargo
If you’re going to be chased by the feds, you may as well make it worth it. Rocking a Fedex Truck not only means that you get that Bluetec Mercedes goodness and additional camouflage (Fedex has over 60,000 ground vehicles), but you'll also have heaps of cargo room. That means that you can have as many donuts, cartons of milk or Kinder eggs as you want back there. Fatten up while you can. Prison food is supposed to be awful!
3. Dressing Room
We’ve all watched enough James Bond (& Austin Powers) to know that sometimes not getting caught is as simple as changing your look. Try to shimmy out of a jumpsuit while driving a Bugatti and you’ll see that there are much better options. Vans give you flexibility to drive with just one hand and enough head room for a costume change without any risk of concussion.
4. 4x4 for the Win!
Car chases are level playing fields if you’re on city streets, highways or even a racetrack, but the minute you hop the curb and head offroad, you’ll be leaving the majority of police vehicles in the dust. Cruising in a 4x4, like this van from Roper design (a former Ford Rough Riders Racing support vehicle), ensures that if the police do venture into the dirt, not only will you outrun them, you may even be the guy pulling them out when they get stuck. Good luck with that one, conscience!
Finally, the best reason to choose a van as your next getaway vehicle is:
5. Instant Bed (& Breakfast!)
At this point, you’ve outrun the Veyron, intercepted the Interceptor and left countless Crown Vics in your wake. Now what’s your next move? Check into a Motel 6, watch Pay Per View and wait it out? Or head for the border, change your name and practice your Spanish? Either way, you’re going to need a solid hideout. If you're smart enough to pick a van with a built-in bed, bar and hot-plate, your happiness quotient is going to be immeasurably higher.
So the next time you’re escaping some heat, get your van on. Oh, and for the rest of us watching on tv, make it cool!